UNLEARNING to be authentic

Noticing how professional habits limit genuine expression

While writing these Notes, I noticed something disturbing - I'm scared of being authentic. Which is ironic, given that I chose authenticity as a core value for this newsletter. My first instinct is still to show my work and myself from an angle that I think would be most "beneficial." That's when I realized how much unlearning I need to do.

In the last 10+ years, I functioned in roles that are somehow poisoned by the notion that it's okay to color reality. Some level of bullshitting became so normalized that I accepted it without question. After so many years, I'm now wired that way. It's like a reflex - make things look better, smoother, more advanced than they are.

This didn't come from nowhere. The shift from character-based business to personality-driven success has deep historical roots. Before mass marketing and corporate culture took over, business was primarily local and reputation-based. Your word and character were your currency. But somewhere after World War I, we saw a massive shift. Success literature started focusing on personality development and social techniques rather than character building. Stephen Covey captured this perfectly in his writing about "character ethics versus personality ethics." We became so invested in building shallow, beautiful personalities and social images, either personally or for our brands, that we lost sight of what's truly valuable.

Different professional domains handle truth differently. In technical and scientific fields, bullshitting gets caught and corrected quickly. There's a natural immune system against it. But in business development and consulting? It's almost expected. I've seen this tension play out countless times between business and technical teams. While engineers cringe at overselling capabilities, business folks often see it as just part of the game.

I did it too. While running a startup company, doing business development, consulting, and public speaking, "fake it till you make it" was the norm. Even when it made me or our team members feel uncomfortable. The logic seemed sound - if we present ourselves as MORE (developed, mature, established, pick your word), there's a better chance of getting what we want (customers, investors, partners...). But this logic comes with hidden costs.

Here's the strange paradox I've noticed: we invest so much energy in crafting perfect images of our companies and ourselves, yet when it comes to actually choosing who to work with, we value authenticity above all. Every time we choose to color reality, we're not just misleading others - we're fragmenting ourselves. It creates a gap between who we are and who we pretend to be. And here's the irony: we're all fed up with bullshitting. Almost instinctively, we're drawn to people of character and authenticity. We can sense it when someone is real, even if their reality is messy or imperfect. And that builds trust and willingness to work together. Funny as that :-)

That's why I'm committed to unlearning these old patterns. Years of professional conditioning won't disappear overnight, but by acknowledging it openly here, I'm taking the first step. Maybe you'll join me?

— Yarmo Covich